On the phone with Kailin last night, I hear her frustrated
voice. “No, Cassidy! I can’t right now, I’m talking to Mom!”
My response, “Lena, please remember to talk nicely.”
We have had this conversation many times. Our feelings are important. We have every right to speak about them to
each other and be understood. We respect
emotional boundaries.
Just because one of us is upset, does not entitle us to step
on the feelings of another.
We are a family. We
appreciate our love for each other. We
are grateful for our time and the unique qualities we each bring to the circle.
I hear this adult version of Kailin’s frustration every day. “Can’t you see I’m busy!” The one ego frustrated at not being the
center of attention, the other ego so excited to share that other things became
oblivious. Of course they did not see,
otherwise they would not have interrupted.
Does that warrant being snapped at? The answer is a resounding NO.
I am filled with such excitement and gratitude that I have
this chance to build my world of compassion and understanding from the inside
out. My daughters will have a strong
foundation of respect built with as many tools as I can find to pass on to
them. My journey of self-exploration has
become a crusade in their honor.
We talk.
I have heard it said that there are two sides to every
story. I respectfully disagree. I believe there are four sides to every
story. There are my feelings, and my perception of how you feel (or how I think
you should feel) and your feelings and your perception of mine. Sometimes these perceptions may be aligned,
but often in an argument they are not.
Each person may become exasperated at having to defend their point of
view. Defensive at being overlooked or
snapped at.
Instead of speaking out harshly, in our loving respectful
family, we speak nicely to each other.
We talk calmly about our boundaries and have confidence that they will
be respected because we practice every day.
“Boundaries” is our safe word.
When it is said it is not mocked,
or ignored. Everyone gets a
chance to speak and be understood.
The people outside our circle of three are not always aware
of their transgressions over our boundaries.
But we teach them with our kindness and respect. We practice what we preach. We live it.
And in this way we multiply the flow of love that surrounds us and the lives we touch.
